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May 19 An unrhymed song of puns Well I admit that I've been lazy...and haven't written anything in decades. So here's a poem I wrote on occasion of seeing a friend's photos from Poland. I was reminded of the Holocaust and a poem by Plath name "Daddy". I was blinded by the magnesium flash. Back with your SLR I see the old town washed over with acids and gases – You seemed to have found your niche in the chamber. Music is like wires stretched between poles. Your subject is people – The dictator is dictating – His dictation. They shrunk to fit in your little chamber, background blurred with different shades of blue; And yet light is delight. Amplified is your red hue; These are true. Ach, du. Tetragrammaton on his back, like a penance Etched onto the square monument. Swaggering pigeon, screeching alligator, And girls in uniforms – Second from the right, her hazelnut hair gives Depth to her figure, deeper than the depth of their skirts And the navy of her blue. Dwindling is the candle, floating is the hexagram, The red flesh is raw. Grey out the ghetto wall. June 10 Pour toiOh Girl You
girl you
tuck your LV purse under your arm girl you coming home on a moist Monday morning girl you lie down like a babe
girl you go down that road
the wind touches your silky hair the sunshine dries up your tears and the smell, the smell of the linen sheet girl you lie down like a babe
the sound of silence is playing in the night
you were once my sister in the faltering light girl i remember simon & garfunkel whose poetry you've always wondered girl you
got that sundae in your hand girl you got that sorrow on your mind and once you wanted to travel with me
and once you read me that verse about love and hatred oh girl where have you been all these times girl the broken seed will grow up to consummate a shape you said you are going out with some friend
that i don't ever know and that you don't wanna waste your passion and your youth oh girl you lie down like a babe
girl the world is an asylum to which you
don't have a ticket and the emptiness is all around too, so don't turn your neck and look back
or look down, at the mud on your foot
the earth is dusty this i tell you load yourself up with the weapon and the weather will tell you whether to shoot girl you lie down like a babe, you get up like a woman May 27 The MemorialThe Memorial
The memorial was located long before there was me, long before I could read the words etched on the structure erecting on the path, They were names of the dead. Those afternoons, I used to lie down on the bluestone road, feeling the heat of the ground oozing into my body through the gauzy fabric of my plaid shirt. The dark green pine trees stood in row like silent soldiers – they might be paying homage to our martyrs
who died for our liberty – later in life I still remember from light years away the mossy steps where I sat in the memorial, reading a comic book as if waiting for a banquet to be held by the ghosts, as if invited by an old friend – I wasn’t afraid, especially when I kissed someone’s lips, and I told the someone what I saw, what I heard as a child in the forest. Our bicycles leaned on one another, dyed purple by the profile of our soldiers. The sun sank afar. The phosphorescence dances. May 12 她是这样的女孩她是这样的女孩 她吃着不去皮的猕猴桃 还有三明治和披萨 她是这样的女孩 她骑着单车 踩着滑板 穿着溜冰鞋 她很酷 她晒得黝黑 在长岛的沙滩 她从不抱怨 她只是微笑 她聆听，读书，祷告，默念 她是这样的女孩 没有危害 她能分辨婴儿的食物 她是专业的baby sitter 她能讲清楚有机化学 还有遗传生物 因为她是耐心的tutor 她喜欢吃东西 也喜欢煮东西吃 她煮的东西月亮也要下凡来尝一尝 但是她还是很瘦很黑 她出生在南方 很多的太阳 她也会哭 尤其是对着某个人的照片 谁知道她的忧郁 当你看到她戴上眼镜 你明白，有时候，她也要考虑 我们说，wendi，wendi 休息，休息一下 我们去中央公园看人 还有小孩子的笑靥如花 她说，我的好兄弟和姐妹 你们就是我的家 我记得你们 每一个人的电话 她抱起她心爱的木吉他 她唱歌，她祷告 她说，你们不要害怕 这里有人把你们牵挂 wendi，你说什么我听不到 我的眼里全是泪花 悲伤蒙住我的耳朵 泪水打湿我的头发 她说，你要用心才听得到 音乐的声音多么美妙 就像天堂一样，没有烦恼 她是这样的女孩 里里外外都是伤疤 她有时也会觉得尴尬 可是你要是提问 她什么都会回答 wendi，wendi 我们都爱你 这样够吗？ 这样好吗？ 她是这样的女孩 她吃着不去皮的猕猴桃 还有三明治和披萨 她是这样的女孩 她无声的歌唱 她拉着忧郁的琴弦 她奏出快乐的乐章 8/2/06 April 22 three drafts of poetryPrayer
I put forth three twigs of prayer on the altar, closing my palms and eyes, and pray when the light of the world
shuts off against my forehead, no electricity, purity prevails, and I pray.
Teach me, my mentor, how to do this in the shadow of you, alone, torn by the thorn in my memory
where those convicts had lived, your curly hair being caressed in the drizzly air, and your hands in the crowded darkness
- Who bore witness to your life? Evidently, not me, the girl who had always been quiet
in your class, the only student perennially being scolded by your verses. At the time, she was next to
smacking in your face when you lashed her lapse. I was a rebel, rioter, perhaps you were more cynical in your grave
eyebrows, like a war waged against me, my compulsive ignorance, but I knew I had sinned even there was only me on the earth –
my tears and sweat and blood were shed in vain, there being no atonement, especially when the solitude was cold like water.
The small scratchy sound of the snow is falling on my hat, melting into the warm sapphire tabernacle.
Brown
I was choked up, when I sat by the window, reading the newspaper, sipping coffee from a cup, and the water was brown. It disgusted me when I realized that the same color could be applied to the picture on the second to the last page of this black and white spiel. The crimson-maroon lumps of furs clogged on the hoary cement road smeared with blatant clumps of ochre water the body floated on it, the body of the little cat, a sublime creature Paws became mud furs soaked with blood, there was Another cat squatted nearby, speculating And a few little tiny red and brown fresh badges of cherry blossom traced where it was from.
The Piano Concerto in A-major
by Mozart, is played in one morning of my life. I listen to no music but the flow of life, pulsating and throbbing with notes ineffable; its glow shattered onto the air, warming the heart of an old man,
who sits under a willow tree, eyes shut, smiling with great comfort. Nothing is more appalling than things that run, like the hour. The soul of music has loved for two centuries and fifty-one years.
Now it floods in this house when I turn on the stereo. He lives in that opaque mug from which I drink water. I’ve seen a thousand times of the old movie through the screen of the window pane, and this time I score the music.
Pedestrians in the street stop their carefully taking care of their lives, listening to the sound of the paradise, like ants carrying their giant piece of crumb, like a walking fish that thrives in a grayish river.
The moist shadow in the sky is just a fluffy veil of another sunny day; Don’t be misled by the cunning smile on a stranger’s face. Days fragmented into hours, while this you can never cut it half way. April 17 断章断章 一 蚌的壳是最硬的 因为它的内心是最软 我把它打碎 在任何人有机会 打碎它之前 二 鸟儿不是热爱着天空么 可是它也同样眷恋着大地 翱翔过一万里 总需要一片落脚的土地 或者是一棵树 枝繁叶茂，在夏天 的阳光下闪烁一万片 金黄的树 三 找一个地方 筑一个巢，结一个茧 住在里面 当一只无忧无虑的动物 January 04 Dedicated to Patrick Dewaere雷米 这凸凹的墙壁阴冷潮湿， 发霉的房间里还弥漫着你的香气 然而生活，生活向我投射一张惨白的脸， 布满皱纹的脸： 我感到恶心 当我躺在她的床上， 我感觉不到任何东西 也许我马上就会，从万丈的悬崖 垂直的落下 我想，那一定不会有任何的痛苦 就像你的第一次， 在你的十四岁， 你的乳房那样的娇小 你微笑的看着我，像个天使
我的天使，你是我的天使
这世界还有没有神父可以忏悔 还是，生活的空虚已经使我麻木
我跪着求你，你泪流满面地看着我 然后你消失了，就在一瞬间 然后我惊醒，已经记不起时哪一年的哪一天 你15岁的生日什么时候到来 16岁的时候，你成为令你的父亲 骄傲的女人 我却看着我的这双手 被烟熏黄的指甲，还有琴键 和钞票磨出的硬茧， 曾经摘去了你的鲜花 ——你可曾怪我，不，你不曾，你说 没有爱情的生命会枯萎
忽然琴声又响起，不是钢琴， 也许，这次是风琴的声音 从海市蜃楼的教堂传来 就像你忧郁的脸，总在我脑海，若隐若现
——走吧，我并没有爱过你 我也不是正人君子，我早就没有打算 你这祸水
嫉妒和焦躁中间有什么安慰呢， 今天，明天，看看生活都对我做了些什么 加上，我又是如此的懦弱， 而你又是怎样的冰雪聪明 我是双脚都陷在泥泞里面 的人
玛丽安，玛丽安 走吧，不要再烦我 你还不懂得爱情 你也还不懂得生活 我已经是快要死的人 你又何必
你很美丽，就好像， 初生的婴儿 你头发的颜色里面带了一丝 倔强的褐色 你的瞳孔是我见过的 最乌黑的宝石 你的乳房也会变高，慢慢的， 就像你鞋跟的尺寸 还有你看男人的眼神
让你的乞求永远属于我，玛丽安， 让主宽恕我们的罪恶，然后在我的背上 烙上耻辱的印记 但是不要恨我；你要爱我
幸福的瞬间像火花迸射， 在黑夜中闪着光 点燃生命的烈焰 灼伤我的皮肤，你的声音 还在一遍一遍回荡
我看见你悲伤的眼神，是为了谁？ 也许只有泪水才代表欢乐： 它和我的初吻一样咸涩，微温； 我爱它们，就好像我曾经爱过 你的忧郁的微笑，还有成熟的天真 记忆化成太阳下的光圈 你颤抖的手解开我的羽绒服的扣子 在那个冬天的早晨 你的车停在了那个操场上
“我要让你忘掉忧郁 忘掉烦恼。”
然而我不是那个 我还没有变成的年轻女郎 你可以毫不脸红的 带她出去 你也不是那个草率的年轻人 他字典里没有退缩和犹豫 你弹钢琴的修长的有力的手指 在我的身上，找不到黑键和白键
“很不幸很不幸， 你教会了我很多东西。”
她们说，当泪水滑落， 青春已逝
雷米，告诉我有没有人 可以治好你 你以为放弃布鲁斯钢琴就可以 忘掉所有的 忧郁 ——不要说抱歉 虽然你从未说过 你蓝色的眼睛里倒映着你的宿命 如果我消失在你面前 请你找一个替身 让她为你在神面前祷告
而消失的我 会化为神龛前的一小撮灰烬 带着烧灼的余温 用我生命的最后一丝气息 为你祈求 永远的平安 September 22 poem 2，还有一堆牢骚真的是很难得，我第一次觉得因为一堂课而兴奋。这学期开始上英文专业的课程，其中第一门就是creative writing，一个300 level的课。我一开始是觉得很害怕的，甚至一度怀疑自己走错了课堂。但是当我慢慢的进入了这门课以后，发现真的是一门我非常非常enjoy的课。这是我始料未及的。课堂上有很多学生都并不是英文专业，但是却也有很多是立志要成为作家的。他们中的有些人已经在写作方面有着很严格的要求，就拿写诗来讲，分行，押韵（虽不强求），用词，都有着很高的要求。课堂是workshop的形式，因此学生之间的交流不少。我一开始觉得十分汗颜要把自己的诗和文章拿在老美面前读，还要经受他们的评论；后来发现老美学生虽然都很不客气的blah blah blah，但是他们却都是很nice。我没有他们那么eloquent，但是在和他们的交谈中间我却学到很多。总之就是很受鼓舞了！另外一门课是上的文学课，一开始尤其是上beowulf的时候我觉得一切都糟透了，那个教室共鸣太强那个prof又喜欢大喊大叫，很多时候都听不清楚她讲什么；课堂上发言的学生说话声音太小有的时候也听不清，再加上楼下那个倒霉的书店把课本进错了，弄得我一连几个礼拜都要这里借书那里下载。不过今天似乎一切都在往好的方向发展；篇目上到了莎士比亚的李尔王，真的是一部伟大的作品，称得上是字字珠玑，文学课堂还上升到了人生课堂。今天还有一件很高兴的事，学校的honors seminar来信邀请我去面试，终于让我看到了渺茫的前途有一丝希望在闪烁。
上一次的诗（grow in the time）很汗颜完全没有修改就交上去了，就是上一篇blog里面的模样。很明显的低级错误一大堆……汗颜的要死。不过我已经学会脸皮很厚的去一次又一次的尝试，所以现在有这第二首诗——其实也是作业啦。不管怎么样放在这里Eliciting a jade by casting out a brick（抛砖引玉）。（show off! show off! read my crappy poem）
Tonight Mother’s Gone to the Dinner
It was Saturday nightfall, sobering chill. Setting sun lingered by the brim of the window The alarm kept taciturn in the shadow, while the lamp in the corridor continued with its futile daydream, in this September– tonight mother has gone to the dinner.
The stove was idle, and was bleaker than usual. Rats scampered off between corners looking for offal and residue of food. Maybe they would be rendered disappointed, and perhaps they would wonder if tonight mother has gone to the dinner.
The crack of the pin lock presumes the returning of father. He staggered down the stairs, and changed his complexion as he changed his shoes. I said, dad you’re home, and he said, tonight your mother has gone to the dinner
He brought back a blast of weary air from the city, and a bunch of banana, some fish, in a blast of shower. Although tonight, tonight is of no difference than any other night in life except that tonight we hear only the droning of the harvest fly, instead of the mumbling of someone’s mistress. The night pondered. Tonight mother has gone to the dinner
The yellow beacon pervaded the kitchen nostalgically, through the smeary light bubbles that shone upon the stove, beyond the smoggy soup jar. And the hand that pickled all the green-leaved vege and all the dawns and dusks maybe smelt like the smell of cigarettes, sooner or later. And tonight mother has gone to the dinner
We don’t keep a custom of giving thanks, as we are Chinese. Tonight we have noddles with lotus roots soup. Father was in tear, when he was eating the raw garlic that he had learned to eat from the northern soldier when he was in the army in Fujian province. We would’ve remembered that tonight mother has gone to the dinner. September 20 诗一首Grow In the Time
When you hang up in a hurried “See you”; when you logged off after you typed in the last sentence The emotion stayed buried light years deep in the distance
You lamented how time flied, and how time was like a scared squirrel; when you stare at it, it stares back at you; but if you, even just lean forward, as if you intend to, catch it – it dashes away in a splitting instant
I don’t know how you staggered through life during all these years; I asked how you were doing, and you said that I grew different, a nonsense reaction; Perhaps the telephone alienated the space, yet we were talking while the memory fluctuated
I know you grow like a seed in the soil, in the acidic and alkali waters that spoil your figure and your soul – you swell, and grow, and swell and grow.
You grow bigger; you grow old you grow and grow different you grow in the wind, in the wood, in the water in whatever you may grow in, taking on the essence of material, and the materialistic world.
Ultimately you grow in the time, the time that no one takes track of, and you celebrate the competition between them. I’ll only be a spectator, yelling and hooraying silently, witnessing the time that you grow. August 24 A Play - Slave Mother刚刚上完的英文课写的final project. 肯定是写得很差的；第一次写这么长的东东，无论是中文还是英文。但是写得过程本身是个很好的学习和练习的机会。希望有空看一下的能够不吝赐教，小女子将不胜感激。
Slave Mother
By Shanshan Zheng
Adapted from the Novel by Rou Shi
Characters Woman
Chun-Bao – woman’s first child
Qiu-Bao – woman’s child with Xiucai
Cobbler – woman’s husband, Chun-Bao’s father
Matchmaker
Xiucai
Xiucai’s wife
Aunt Huang - servant
Carrier A, B, C and D
Other servants
A few kids.
Act 1 Scene 1
In The house of a woman and a cobbler, her husband. It is the fall of 1926 in a town in Zhejiang province, China. The bedroom is simple and crude, furnished with only a bed; the light is dim. (The woman sits on the bed, knitting a vest, with a four-year old boy sleeping soundly on her knees.)
Woman
The foe is coming back soon; and the agony in my heart is sore; we’ve already run out of rice, without preparing a dinner for him how could I prevent myself from a beating;
Hard and cold his heart is getting;
Like a bear with a sore head his temper is becoming;
Why, what wrong did I do, to be punished by the man I have to bear?
Each time he went back drunk and I turned black and blue in the body;
Not dare I even argue, for fear of his knocking my skull apart in a fury;
My child, the only comfort for my aching heart; hope he’ll never be taken from me, and I’ll be blessed by Kwan-yin Buddha.
(Weeps the woman.)
(Enters the cobbler, with a sallow complexion, and carries a pipe.)
Cobbler
How bad luck! Yesterday I just pawned the pot;
With the confidence of winning I went to the gambling spot;
I won straight down the line at first, indeed;
And I knew I could get everything of mine back, before the ominous crow at the window greeted!
What the hell…
(He lights the pipe and smokes, then suddenly stamps his feet against the ground; the boy is suddenly woken up.)
Woman
For the child’s sake, would you please spare your rage; He was sleeping quietly all the time before you came.
Cobbler
Don’t complain to me, you pathetic woman, as if by you I am to be despised;
I have been working hard; after the dawn I return, and before the twilight I rise;
Not an easy job to earn a living, of which you woman seldom have any idea;
The hunters are wicked ever, and the vendees all with power;
And you, not even taking care of the child and just slacking all day – and where’s the dinner?
Woman
Weren’t you aware of that we ran out of rice yesterday?
Cobbler
What? Then I must’ve made a right decision – and I won’t be hesitant to sign the paper.
Woman
What paper?
(Sighs the cobbler, and walks slowly from one side of the stage to the other.)
Cobbler
Three days ago the debtee came, and not before half a day could I send him away;
What was the point, I asked myself, to be exploited and oppressed by all these villains?
I’d rather quit my life, than to live in vain.
So I went to the well, in front of which I had no resolution to dive in to the deep;
Suddenly someone called me by my name, and it was Mrs. Shen, who was known as the matchmaker.
“What are you doing here, at this time of day, with the melancholy on your face?” she asked.
“I’m broke and I’ve sold all I had, still every other day the debtee trod the doorsill flat.” I said.
“Then what do you raise your wife for?” she said.
What did she mean, I thought, to sell my wife?
“Your son is the only one, whom you cherish more than your own life; but your wife, now that you couldn’t even afford yourself, what do you keep her for?”
I didn’t respond, and she continued,
“There is a Xiucai[1] who is fifty-year in age and whose heir is lacking; yet his wife didn’t allow him to get a concubine, but to borrow a woman who can bear him a son or two; they will compensate her husband by 100 yuan[2]. They’d asked me to look for such a woman for a long time, but I didn’t find one until I put my thought on your wife.”
On hearing this I wept in affliction;
Intense conflict occupied my contemplation.
Woman
Have you promised her already?
Cobbler
Only under her hastening.
Woman
How could you! Is it decided?
Cobbler
Only waiting for me to sign the paper – the agreement.
Woman
What a crime you’re committing! Do you not have any other solutions at all?
Cobbler
You know I’ve been sick, and I’ll never recuperate again; indigent as us, yet not daring to die: it is truly the solution of no solution.
Woman
What about Chun-Bao? He’s only five, how can he live without his mom? Chun-Bao’s father…
Cobbler
I’ll take care of him; after all he has already weaned.
(The woman crouches down and weeps.)
(The man becomes weary and goes off.)
The end of the Scene
Act 1 Scene 2
The night before the woman’s departure for her new home, in the woman’s house; a desk and a chair are placed in the front corner of the stage, with an oil lamp on the desk.
(The woman sits at the desk)
Woman
The river of my tears was drained of water; the spring of my soul yearns for comforter;
Indignity, insult, disgrace and humiliation,
Afflict not a container of sex but a person of characters;
For me, those metaphysical things were already out of consideration;
Who, is not supposed to speak, or even have any candid laughter –
What should I do?
My boy is holding my waist, not aware of what’s happening;
I couldn’t even imagine how his father, the intoxicated bastard who is as heartless as to rent out his own wife, would treat his own son?
(Chun-Bao comes in)
Chun-Bao
Mamma mamma, I am home!
Woman
My darling, come here!
(Hugs Chun-Bao tightly.)
Chun-Bao
What is the matter, mamma?
Woman
Mom is leaving tomorrow, my dear.
Chun-Bao
Mamma, why there’s water in your eyes?
Woman ‘Cause Mom will miss you so much.
Chun-Bao
Mmm[3].
(Buries his head into the woman's breast.)
Woman
Mom will be gone and won't come home in three years!
Chun-Bao
Mamma where are you goin', to the temple of the monks?
Woman
No, mom is going thirty miles away, a Lee's family.
Chun-Bao
I'm goin' there too.
Woman
No, babe can't go.
Chun-Bao
Hum.
Woman
You’ll stay at home with papa; papa's going to take care of babe; babe has to listen to papa, OK? Three years passes just a blink of eye.
Chun-Bao
Papa’s gonna hit me!
Woman
No, not any more will papa hit you; he’s becoming a good papa, and babe is going to be a good babe.
(Enters the Cobbler.)
Cobbler
They’ve paid me the money. Tomorrow morning they will send a palanquin to take you so you don’t have to walk. (To Chun-Bao) Get on your bed! Don’t you test my temper!
(Chun-Bao walks off, with a confused expression; the cobbler glimpses at the woman and goes off too. The woman stands up, and suddenly kneels down, putting her palms together.)
Woman
Merciful Kwan-yin Buddha! Please bless my poor boy! May his father treat him well; may he always have enough food to eat, and enough clothes to keep warm!
(Stands up.)
I shall go and prepare a wadded jacket for him – winter is coming soon! How foolish I am not to think of this until just now!
(The woman Exits in a hurry. Lights off. )
The end of the Scene.
Act 1 Scene 3
In front of the house of the cobbler. A palanquin carried by four man and the matchmaker enter.
Matchmaker
You four wait here. (To the other side of the stage, yelling.) Hurry up! Our carriers are going to have lunch in his home!
(Enter the woman, Chun-Bao, and the cobbler.)
Woman
Good morning Mrs. Shen.
Mathcmaker
Good morning ma’am. Did you sleep well last night?
Woman
Not quite.
Matchmaker
Look at you sweetie, why are your eyes all red and swollen;
What a silly girl you are, and have no idea ‘tis what kind of a fortune;
What blame on this family can you have?
Two hundred acre fertile field, plowed by cattle;
Private house double-floored, has servants get everything settled;
How kind and generous is the mistress, who always distributes food to her poor vicinage;
What an erudite and gentle master with an intelligent crookback, is indeed not yet sixty in age –
Well there is no need wasting eloquence;
Truth will testify itself when you lay your eyes on its appearance.
Woman
My poor Chun-Bao! How shall I abandon my heart, my flesh and blood!
(Weeps the woman, clutches Chun-Bao in her arms. As she weeps, the four carriers are murmuring.)
Carrier A
Does she set herself up for a bride? Sobs all the time!
Carrier B, C and D
Ha ha ha, so she does.
Matchmaker
Come, don’t waste time! Don’t be silly! If you have a boy or two with the master, that will make your life! (To the cobbler) I beg your pardon sir, but I have to send her there as soon as possible – the master and mistress are all waiting for her for lunch.
Cobbler
Please do.
(The matchmaker forces the woman to relinquish her child, and with the help of the four carriers stuffs the woman into the palanquin.)
Chun-Bao
Mamma mamma!
Matchmaker
Set out for the master’s home.
(The carriers lift up the palanquin and all exeunt.)
The end of the Act.
Act 2 Scene 1
The first day of the woman at Xiucai’s house. It is in the dining room of the house, and Xiucai’s wife sits in an ornate chair.
Xiucai’s wife
(Soliloquizes) What a gloomy day today! The sun doesn’t come out as much after the pitiful girl entered the doorsill of this house! You can always judge one’s social status from his countenance – look at her thin and barren face! And the improper manner of hers when she eats at the table! These women from small household never could receive education. Why do I have to bear living with such an unpleasant creature – see, there she comes.
(Enters the woman)
Woman
Good evening Mrs.
Xiucai’s wife
Good evening. You’ve arrived here for a couple of days. How is your adjusting to the new environment? Good, I suppose?
Woman
Thanks for your concerns, Mrs. Yes, I did have a great time.
Xiucai’s wife
I know you’ll enjoy it. Master is a real philanthropist, taking girl like you to our house. We’ve always been a harmonic family; it was just that I – (miserably) Oh the rough life of mine! I once had a baby, and he was undoubtedly the prettiest and smartest boy in the world, yet died from smallpox at the age of only ten month!
Woman
I’m terribly sorry Mrs.! You must have suffered from it a lot! As a mother I can truly relate…
Xiucai’s wife He needs heirs, you know, to inherit such an estate like
ours. That’s why you are here: you are clear of that, I assume?
Woman
Yes, Mrs.
(Aunt Huang comes in, mopping the floor.)
Xiucai’s wife
Good. By the way, if you don’t have much to do and feel bored, I’m sure that Aunt Huang wouldn't mind having a helping hand with the chores that she’s handling. Aunt Huang, would you?
Aunt Huang
Not at all, mistress.
Xiucai’s wife
Good. Today is so dreary, isn’t it? I’m going out for some fresh air. Aunt Huang, would you go and fetch my fan in my bedroom?
Aunt Huang
My pleasure.
(Xiucai’s wife and Aunt Huang both walk off.)
Woman
Although the conversation seemed smooth and peaceful;
Underneath it was full of snares and pitfalls: I’d better be careful.
Wearing a benevolent mask, the mistress sees me as a pain in the neck.
(Xiucai enters.)
Xiucai
What did she say to you, beauty? Did she give you a hard time? Don’t worry – such a bitter wife she is, who can’t get along with anyone.
Woman
She’s quite courteous, as a matter of fact.
Xiucai
(Chuckles) You’ll find out, you’ll find out one day. – Let’s stop talking about her. How about you? Have you adjusted well to this new environment?
(Puts his hand around her waist)
Woman
Yes, sir.
Xiucai
What a sweet girl you are! If you have any complaints, complain to me; my darling, I’ll protect you and save you, at any time and any where.
Woman
That’s very kind of you, sir.
Xiucai
Stop calling me “sir”, I beg you please!
Woman
Yes, sir.
Xiucai
By the way, what is your name, my darling? (The woman doesn’t answer.) Are you scared? Are you thinking of your old husband? Ha ha, don’t be so silly! From this moment on I’m your husband, do you understand?
(A noise of arguing is heard from next door. Xiucai’s wife is scolding a servant.)
To tell you the truth, she used to love that servant a lot, and she got so jealous when he was talking to Aunt Huang or some other women. A woman like her is indeed pathetic; how could she compare to you? Let’s go to bed – don’t let her bother us.
(Xiucai shoves the woman slowly and both walks off.)
The end of the Scene.
Act 2 Scene 2 In the woman’s bedroom. An infant’s bed is placed in the middle of the stage; the woman sits by the bed, and she’s pregnant.
(Aunt Huang comes in with a tray in her hand.)
Aunt Huang
How are you feeling today, ma’am? The master sent me here to take care of you. Please have the chicken soup first; it’ll do you good: The master ordered it especially for you.
Woman
Please thank him for me.
Aunt Huang
I will.
Woman
I’ll send for you if in need; now you may leave. I’ll go washing my clothes by the river.
Aunt Huang
Oh, hold on one moment! Just leave that to me – you are not supposed to do this kind of coarse people’s job, now that you’ve had the master’s child. Just stay here, finish your soup and have a rest.
(Exit)
Woman
The sky and the earth were turned upside down when they announced my pregnancy;
Apathetic and enthusiastic, the overt switch of attitude demonstrates clear transparency;
But never mind! My heart isn’t troubled at all, for the only thing I care in the world is my child!
A new life!
Immerged in an ecstasy I sensed your footsteps ticking on my heart; The hope that you brought me irrigates my arid soul, and prepares for holy start!
(The woman leans on the edge of the bed and lowers her head, as if she is asleep. Xiucai and a servant come in.)
Xiucai
“Guan-guan go the ospreys,
On the islet in the river.
The modest, retiring, virtuous, young lady
For our prince a good mate she.”[4]
Servant
Master, why are you singing this; you don’t need to take the imperial exam anymore.
Xiucai
I’ve already had most of the happiness in life, but nothing is more satisfying than having a child when I am getting old!
(Both laugh and exeunt. Xiucai’s wife comes in from the other side of the stage.)
Xiucai’s wife
Is the witch sick again? What a piteous Lin Meimei[5]! These little tactics are tiresome cliché;
Still no man can see through the simplest tricks young women play!
What a ridiculous, inconceivable world! I, the daughter of a real intellectual, am scorned and ostracized by such a cheap country girl, for the sake of couldn’t have a baby!
(Walk toward the woman.)
Xiucai’s wife
I heard that you are sick again so I come over to look in. (Acridly) Strange, you don’t look so bad.
Woman
I am fine; I just had a little nausea.
Xiucai’s wife
That sounds rather reasonable! Was that how you gripped the master’s heart? Now behaves like a lady! Do you believe that your tiny tricks could’ve fooled me? Who do you think you are, my lady? A Tibetan princess? More self consciousness should you have! A cobbler’s wife, a farmer’s daughter, wise up! A woman like you is never to be valued by a real gentleman!
(Turns around and swaggers off. The woman weeps.)
Woman
My mournful heart! Where do you escape from the searing life!
How I am willing to die, but for the beseeching of my child!
(Weeps as the light fades out.)
The end of the Scene
Act 2 Scene 3
In the woman’s bedroom, Xiucai is holding a baby in his hands; the baby is crying; all other people in the house and Mrs. Shen is gathering around and talking.
Xiucai
Who do you think my son looks like, his mother or me?
Aunt Huang
Look at the prominent bridge of his nose! He no doubt inherited master your noble appearance;
The broad forehead is the sign of intelligence!
Mrs. Shen
Oh! (To the baby) Look at your little long earlobe, a label of infinite fortune! Master, have you given him a name yet?
Xiucai
These days I’ve been thinking of it all the time, but nothing came out yet. According to his grandmother, the child’s name should symbolize either fortune or long living, such as “Qiyi”, “Pengzu”[6], but those were too common ones. I looked up Shi Jing, but still haven’t found a good name so far. Weird, I’ve named so many children for others, but can’t even name my own son!
Woman
What about “Qiu-Bao”[7]? He’s born in autumn, and he’s the treasure of this family ‘cause he’s so precious.
Xincai
What a unique name it is! And it also makes profound meanings to me:
It is the autumn of my life, when my intellect and spirit ripe. And my son is the best treasure I reap – isn’t it said in Shi Jing, “Work diligently in the field and harvest in the autumn”? (Laughs) What’s the use of literacy? Smartness is born by nature! Qiu-Bao’s mom is such a smart lady, isn’t she?
Mrs. Shen
(Smiles Sycophantically)How could it not be true? So she is!
Woman
Master, time to feed the baby…
Xiucai
(Hands the baby to his mother) O yes, let’s leave the mother and the child alone – and we’ll have a banquet later!
Everyone (together)
Congratulations, Master!
(All exeunt except the woman and the baby.)
(The woman gets up from bed and walks to the front of the stage with the baby in her arms.)
Woman
Am I smart? I was just reminded of my Chun-Bao!
Who once cut up from my body and yours, the umbilical cord,
Never succeeded keeping my thought from hovering you near;
The pain of losing you afflicted me, like a sharp-edged sword,
And there hadn’t been I single minute I wasn’t thinking of you, since the first day I was here!
Chun-Bao, what are you doing at this very moment?
Do you have anything to eat for lunch?
Where is your father? Every night, is he still getting drunk?
Did he beat you? If he did, it wasn’t the punishment of yours but mine,
That lashed my heart, whipped my mind,
Yet never compares to the agony of forsakenness that you bear;
I owe you too much more than I could ever repay,
And as innocent you do not need any compensate –
You just want mom back, do you?
I once thought that three years was going to pass like a splitting light,
And I’ll be reunited with my son, never to be severed from one another’s sight;
But now, another voice rises in the air,
Qiu-Bao, if I leave for home of him who will take care?
The back and palm of my hand;
Is it a matter of choice? Is it my ill-fated destiny?
(The light in the room suddenly darkens; the grown-up Chun-Bao enters.)
Is that you my son？
Grown-up Chun-Bao
Yes, mom.
Woman
Chun-Bao? Am I dreaming again? Is it really you? You’ve grown so tall!
Grown-up Chun-Bao
Yes, it is me.
Woman
I didn’t expect you are already so tall! But your looking still remains the same! Come here and stay with mom!
Grown-up Chun-Bao
(Coldly) No, I’m leaving you; and you’re not my mom.
Woman
Why, my son, where are you going? Don’t leave me!
(The woman runs across the stage and clasps her son.)
Grown-up Chun-Bao
(Furiously) Take your dirty hands off my shoulder, you nasty bitch! Do you want to pretend to be my mom? You’ll never compare to her, even in your wildest dream!
She was as warm as the spring sun beam, as tender as the mountain stream;
One day she left home, and I still remember
The bright red lanterns that had risen
And the crimson palanquin she had ridden;
I told myself,
My mom would never abandon me, of which I was so convinced, without a slightest flash of doubt.
For so many times I woke up from nightmares with the pillow wet;
And finding out that my drunken father hadn’t come home yet;
Where was my mom then? Was she lying on someone else’s bed?
Nasty, nasty, nasty! And you are telling me you’re my mom? No, I have no mom. She’s dead, so she’ll never come back. Farewell my lady!
(Turns around and exits)
Woman
(Yells out) No! That’s not true! Don’t go! Don’t…
(The grown-up Qiu-Bao enters from the
other side of the stage.)
Grown-up Qiu-Bao
I’m coming to say farewell too, woman. You’d left me by the year when I was only two in age, leaving me with the lunatic old woman, who maltreated me every once my father wasn’t present. It’s all your fault! Your fault! Goodbye fair madam!
(The grown-up Qiu-Bao walks off too.)
(The woman looks down into the swaddle in her arms, finding out the baby to be a plastic toy baby. The linens that wrapped the baby fall off her hands.)
Woman
(Hysterically)Where’s my child? Qiu-Bao, Qiu-Bao!
(Looks around desperately, and then falls into a coma.)
(Aunt Huang enters)
Aunt Huang
Ma’am, are you okay?
Woman
(Wakes up) My child, my child!
Aunt Huang
Qiu-Bao is here! Don’t worry you were just having a bad dream.
(Hands over the baby to his mom. The woman clutches the baby and weeps.)
The End of the Act.
Act 3 Scene 1
In the dining room. The master is playing with Qiu-Bao, who is almost two-year old, and Xiucai’s wife is reading newspaper. Xiucai’s wife Spring is coming, and have you thought of that Qiu-Bao’s mother has been here almost three years …
Xiucai
And?
Xiucai’s wife
According to the contract we had with her husband, we had to give her back to her his household, had we not?
Xiucai
Last time I met Mrs. Shen, and she said if we would pay another one hundred yuan, we could buy her permanently.
Xiucai’s wife
You said you want to buy her with another one hundred yuan?
Xiucai
That’s why I was discussing with you…
Xiucai’s wife
There’s – no way: unless you poison me first.
Xiucai
What do you say that for? I was just thinking that Qiu-Bao’s only two and he couldn’t leave his mom.
Xiucai’s wife
Am I not his mom? Indeed I am his legal guardian! You assume I cannot take care of children? I’m telling you I can!
(Xiucai’s wife goes out in a fury.)
Xiucai (Murmurs) I should’ve been tougher… Otherwise there’s going to be no room for speech in this household!
(Enters the woman with a cup of tea in her hand.)
Woman
Good day, master. Let me take care of Qiu-Bao; you need to take a rest and have some tea.
Xiucai
What a virtuous wife you are! It is really fortunate of who married you. Oh yes, I have something to give you but you have to keep the secret.
(Taking out a small jewel box from his sleeve and handing it to the woman.)
Woman
This is…
Xiucai
This jade ring is descended from my grandmother. Put it away and keep a close guard on it; don’t let my old wife see it! She’ll get mad if she knows that I give this to you.
(The woman puts the ring in her pocket and is about to say something, when a servant comes in.)
Servant
A beggar is at the door, insisting on seeing Qiu-Bao’s mother.
Woman
Who is that？
Servant
He said he’s some Chun-Bao’s dad.
Xiucai Chun-Bao?
Woman
That’s my first son; and he must be my… husband.
Xiucai
I see… (To the servant) Let the man in.
Servant
Yes, master.
(The servant exits. Xiucai glimpses at the woman and exits too. The cobbler enters from another side of the stage.)
Woman
What wind blew you here? It’s been almost three years.
Cobbler
I’m coming for the sake of Chun-Bao.
Woman
Chun-Bao? What happened? Where is he now?
Cobbler
I asked a neighbor to look after him. He’s very ill – last summer he lost a lot of weight, till autumn he fell ill. I didn’t have money to send for a doctor, so now his condition is getting worse everyday. Today I’m coming to borrow money from you; if he can’t see the doctor now I’m afraid…
Woman
(In anguish) My poor child! But I don’t have money; Xiucai only gave me twenty cents pin money each month, and I’ve spent all on my child. What can I do now? (Both of them weep bitterly.) Let me try to ask him for some money – I have to save Chun-Bao!
(The woman exits in a hurry.)
(The cobbler sighs and wipes tears with his sleeves.)
The end of the scene Act 3 Scene 2 In the bedroom, Xiucai and the woman sit on either side of the bed. Woman
Time for bed; I’m blowing off the light.
Xiucai
Hold on one moment; may I ask you where the jade ring that I gave you is?
Woman
The jade ring… I’ve pawned it.
Xiucai
(Infuriated) Pardon me, you pawned it? How dare you?
Woman
But Chun-Bao was sick, what can I do?
Xiucai
Didn’t I give you five yuan when you asked me for money?
Woman
What was the use of five yuan? Chun-Bao was dying and I couldn’t do anything. (Starting to sob) Master, he’s my child, are you expecting to see him die?
Xiucai
(Coldly) I understand. No matter what I do for you, you still can’t forget your ex-husband. But I won’t force you to do anything, as I always do you good. I’ve been thinking it over – next spring you’d better leave as well.
Woman
I beg you please don’t drive me away! Qiu-Bao is only two years old and can’t live without his mom!
Xiucai
(Sneers) Don’t you have a Chun-Bao? Now pretends to be virtuous! The jade ring I gave you was for Qiu-Bao, but you pawned it for money easily! – The case is over and don’t you bring that up again. I’m sleepy; blow the light off and shut up.
(The woman blows the light off. In the dark, the sound of the night watch strike is heard, three times.)
Woman
(Sits up abruptly) Qiu-Bao, Qiu-Bao!
(The baby starts to cry.)
Xiucai
What happened?
Woman
I just had a dream. I saw a graveyard; and I was walking toward the gravestone…
Xiucai
That’s enough. Go back to sleep.
The end of the scene
Act 3 Scene 3
Morning, in front of the gate of Xiucai’s house. The woman has a parcel under left her arm, while holding the baby with her right arm. Xiucai and his wife stand by.
Woman
(To the baby) My darling, mom has to leave; you’ll be a good kid, won’t you? From now on mom cannot look after you, so you’ll have to be
(Kiss the baby, and give it to Xiucai’s wife.)
Qiu-Bao
Mama, mama!
Woman
(Burst into crying) My child! Don’t call me like that anymore!
How could my heart bear the tremendous grieve of leaving you, when your angelical voice floats beside my ears?
How could my feet be resolved to leave the house that keeps you, when your transparent eyes are filled with sorrowing tears?
My flesh and bone, heart and blood,
How could I survive the agony of missing you, throughout all these vacuous time and empty years?
Farewell my child! Farewell!
(The woman runs across the stage and exits. Xiucai and his wife exeunt from the other side of the stage, while Qiu-Bao is crying. A few kids enter.)
Kid A
(Looks into the distance) Didn’t ya’ll see? There is a stranger coming over!
Kid B
Bullshit! There ain’t no – O yeah, you’re goddam right; and it’s a woman…
Kid C
She’s got no shoes.
Kid D
She’s ugly and old.
Kid A
(To the other side of the stage) Chun-Bao, Chun-Bao, come here!
(Chun-Bao enters; he is clad in rags.)
Chun-Bao
What the hell are you looking at?
Kid B
Did you see that woman? She’s not from our village.
Chun-Bao
She looks awful.
Kid D
Ain’t she? Let’s have some fun. (Picks up stones from roadside)
(The woman enters, and all the kids including Chun-Bao start to stone her)
All the kids
Well come to our village, madam. (Laugh)
Woman
(Recognized Chun-Bao) Chun-Bao, is it you?
Chun-Bao
Who are you? Why do you know my name?
Woman
It’s me, don’t you remember me? I’m your mom!
Chun-Bao
What’ say? I ain’t got no fucking mom.
Woman Don’t you remember? It’s mom! Your mom!
Chun-Bao
No –!
(Chun-Bao runs away to the other side of the stage and bumps into his dad, the cobbler.)
Cobbler
Chun-Bao, she is your mom.
Chun-Bao
No dad, it ain’t true…
All other kids
Chun-Bao’s got a mama, mama, mama… (Laugh)
(Chun-Bao runs off the stage, followed by the other kids.)
Cobbler
(To the woman) What for are you standing there? Go home and sleep.
(The cobbler exits; the woman walks off too.)
(Lower the curtain.)
The End
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[1] Xiucai: A kind of bureaucrat in feudalistic China, who got to work for the government by studying Confucianism, and was qualified by taking the imperial examination.
[2] Yuan: Old Chinese currency; 1 yuan equals to approximately 2/3 ounce silver.
[3] Interjection in Chinese, kind of like “Yes”, “I see”, but the real meaning of the speaker is usually vague.
[4] Excerpt from Shi Jing, a.k.a. Book of Odes (1000 BC). It described a man of the royal family fell in love with a girl collecting edible water plants, and his efforts to court her. The English translation is from the internet.
[5] Lin Meimei: a.k.a. Lin Daiyu, the protagonist in the Chinese classic novel “Dream of the Red Mansion”. She is known for her sickly beauty as she is prone to illness since childhood. In modern Chinese her name became a pronoun of girls who are prone to illness; sometimes it carries a negative connotation that suggests woman pretending to be ill in the purpose of arousing men’s sympathy.
[6] Qiyi, Pengzu: both mean “long living” in ancient Chinese.
[7] Qiu-Bao means “the treasure born in autumn”. Her first child’s name is “Chun-Bao”, meaning “the treasure born in spring”. June 29 粘土就像一团粘土
分开了，揉碎了
手掌心合在一起
还是一块好好的粘土
可是，可是我好怕
好怕有一天
风吹来了
吹干了他手掌一点点汗水
吹走了他心里一点点眼泪 然后，
然后粘土变成了沙子，再也
再也合不了一起来 September 27 无题（1）
就像一块拿不出来的弹片
藏在大脑的某个深处
日积月累
斑驳的生锈的是曾经锃亮的记忆
沉默的消蚀的是旧日矜持的青春
它躺在那里，或许没有人会知道
除了它的主人
头痛的痼疾像刺耳的尖叫
回响又重复
那是深创剧痛的往昔
留下的借条
那是一去不返的晴空
留下的晕眩
流经血液，穿透身体
还要呆多久？
这是为“一生”落下的可笑注脚？
（2）
你牵着我的手，说
“小心，但是不要害怕“
我颤抖的腿在奔跑
我跌倒，
疼痛扶起我的挣扎的膝盖
你温柔的看着我，说
“走到我这里来，我会给你灵魂“
我犹豫不决的后退
我懦弱，
悔恨蹂躏我的脆弱的神经
用你嶙峋的手
用你青涩的脸
用你鲜红的唇
用你的不经意的一瞥
而我，就像尘土和在泥里
永不消逝的遗憾和占有
09/26/05
July 09 没什么话说，写首诗她在地铁站里弹十面埋伏 湖中小荷 灰黑色的地铁站 清晨，冰冷的铁轨以及 下坠般的轰鸣 远，然后近，好像 地狱里的呼声
这是一个大都会的脉搏 来来往往与熙熙攘攘 人们，随着它碾过 城市隐秘却堂皇的 每寸领土下面的地方
这里没有太阳的起落 时间随着火车在每一个站台靠岸 灯光和着发酵的微温的空气 主宰着随波逐流的生灵
她比熙熙攘攘来得早一点 暗淡的眼睛，鞋很脏 刷卡，电梯，下楼，停下 她四处张望，寻觅一个地方 折叠凳，琴盒，坐下，调弦
白的，全部是一片空白 绿的是钞票，黄的是万宝路的过滤嘴 五颜六色的是世界和泪眼 他们说， 命运 他们说， 现实
扫弦 孩子的哭声，他找不到妈妈 一拨又一挑 路人的脚步，他们急急忙忙 体温的辐射，声音，尖叫的物质
丝啷，丝啷，丝啷…… 刺眼的阳光，铁甲，盾牌 那是谁的部队 战车，长矛，虎贲， 越来越近……
当啷 韩信点兵 一个quarter 她的手指颤抖了一下
红的是手指，绿的是钞票 征战的是古代和现代的沙场 霸王，沛公，垓下 十面埋伏 周围挤满了黑白黄褐
是天降暴雨？ 是美国打伊拉克？ 还是，官兵捉强盗？ 或者，仅仅是即兴音乐？
摇头，笑，喧哗 聚精会神和交头接耳 兵败，汉水，江东父老 忧伤的楚歌
“力拔山兮气盖世， 时不利兮骓不逝， 骓不逝兮可奈何， 虞兮虞兮奈若何……”
咔，咔 两条命，流出历史的河 耳膜充血 长剑，美人和忠贞
远方传来了遥远的歌声，还有哭声 很静，擦眼泪 他们说， 欣慰 他们说， 无奈
乌云和大炮都消失了 留下弥漫的硝烟 和死寂的宁静 她在数钱，笑着点头 绿的和红的 还有白的
火车的喘息驱散了人群， 走过来一个穿黑衣服的人 她对他微笑，因为他对她伸出手 她满心欢喜地接过
一张罚单 原来是阿SIR 呵呵，她苦笑 打点行装，径直走
哪里有桂林的山水， 哪里有不贬值的黄金 哪里又有心脏在痉挛 径直走 径直走 The End
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